Daily Poll/Archive/April 2008
April 30, 2008 *Points: Unusually High Tornado Activity, Postage Rates Rise Again *Truths: Henry Hyde, Virginia, Kansas, Narlboro, Global Warming Why do tornadoes hate Virginia? They're jealous of Henry Hyde. They can't smoke Narlboro Virginia refuses to let the global warming myth in its schools. It costs too much to get shipped to Kansas. April 29, 2008 *Points: Housing Vacancies at Record High, Rare Early Wildfires, Early Wildfires in Idaho *Truths: THE Greatest President EVER!, banks, housing, mortgages, John McCain, Halliburton, Blackwater, God How should the housing vacancy "crisis" be handled? Give George a gas-powered chainsaw and let him clear 'em. Elect an expert in Savings & Loan corruption for President, like John McCain. Contract their rebuilding to Halliburton. Contract their guarding to Blackwater. Pray that God moves the wildfires to where the vacancies are. April 28, 2008 *Points: Oil Hits Record Highs *Truths: John McCain, The Greatest President EVER, Dick Cheney, tax & spend, oil, gas, Exxon Who should we give thanks to for record oil prices? The Greatest President EVER! The Greatest Vice Prsident EVER! ExxonMobil's investment in our future. John McCain for distracting us with gas taxes instead of oil prices. April 24, 2008 *Points: Rush Says Riot in Denver, Rush Limbaugh's History of Change *Truths: Rush Limbaugh, Rush is Right, Colorado, Intelligent Design, Al Sharpton, blacks, Democrats Is Denver the best city to riot in? Yes, Colorado is turning blue and it needs blood red. No, there are many true followers of Intelligent Design there. Only if we can get the blacks to beat up Al Sharpton. Only if the riot is limited to the Democratic Convention space. Rush gets a riot draft deferral, right? April 22, 2008 *Points: Oldest Trees, Cheap Gas, women, and booze *Truths: Earth Day, environment, Mexico, Doritos, Exxon, Al Gore What's the most important thing we did on Earth Day? Eat Doritos with Americone Dream for desert while watching baseball. Sell some of our Exxon stock to pay the mortgage. Write a long blog about how stupid Al Gore is. Chop down a tree to heat the wood stove. Go on a roadtrip to Mexico to fill up our black SUVs on cheap gas. April 21, 2008 *Points: Philadelphia Anticipates, Philadelphia Interview, Pennsylvania Voting Resources *Truths: Our Glorious Stephen, right, left, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, The Liberty Bell, freem Will Philadeliphia and the rest of the bitter losers of Pennsylvania, after having a week alone with Our Glorious Stephen, do the right thing on Tuesday and and eat Spicy Sweet Doritos instead of voting in the primary? No, they're all cracked. Leftists never do the right thing. They're too busy trying to call the fake phone # Stephen left behind. If they remember to spell freedom without the do, even if they change the f to ph. April 18, 2008 *Points: Michelle Obama Interview, Women Stalkers *Truths: Michelle Obama, Stephen Colbert, balls, black, Jews Why didn't Stephen Colbert nail Michelle Obama harder? She's a lawyer and may have jew friends. She couldn't handle his balls. Fear of an angry black preacher. He didn't want an angry black woman stalking him. April 17, 2008 *Points: President Bush Knew of Torture Talks, Torture News Strike *Truths: The Greatest President Ever!, Real Americans, Democrats, enhanced interrogation techniques, torture, war crime, elitists, strikes Why are Democrats claiming THE Greatest President EVER has committed war crimes? Bush won't eat a hot dog with them. Why do vegetarians support terrorists? Dubya protected Real Americans. They're elitists who hate a President against strikes. April 16, 2008 *Points: Hillary Likes Obama for President, Springsteen Endorses Obama for President *Truths: Hillary Clinton, Barack Hussein Obama bin Laden, John Legend, The National Anthem, MC Rove, re-Al Frankenization, Santa Clausification, Super Delegates Why did Hillary Clinton admit tonight that Obama bin Barack can be President? John Legend wouldn't condescend to singing with her after singing with Stephen. MC Rove refused to mix the debate questions for her. Bruce Spingsteen endorsed Obama earlier in the day. Stephen Colbert refused to re-Al Frankenize Obama after he Santa-Clausificationed him. The Super Delegates asked her to condescend to Obama. April 15, 2008 *Points: Portland Tax Protest of War *Truths: California's Canada, taxes, IRS, The Troops, FOX News, liberals Besides knowing over 40% of your taxes are going to support the troops, what's your favorite part of the last tax filing day? Watching liberals cry after they realize the Post Office is closed. Including my "Support the IRS" letter with my tax return. Watching FOX News tax report. Demanding Mexicans show me their W2s. April 14, 2008 *Points: Media War Coverage Drops, Tobacco Brainstorming News *Truths: Iraq War, Afghanistan, The Troops, The Liberal Media, Rupert Murdoch Why is the liberal media reporting so much on Iraq? Not enough Americans are bringing democracy to the Wikipedia. It supports the terrorists. The corporations that control it need fewer regulations. Rupert Murdoch needs to be put in charge of the Internets. April 13, 2008 *Points: Alberto Gonzales Jobs, Will Lie for Food, Attorney General's False Claims *Truths: Alberto Gonzales, liberals, bears, Ron Paul, lawyers, Michael Mukasey Why can't Alberto Gonzales find work? Bears have invaded Stearns. The behind the scenes is that Michael Mukasey will be available soon. Ron Paul isn't president yet. Why do liberals hate justice? April 9, 2008 *Points: Growing Organs, Wikipedia Grows a Penis *Truths: balls, Democrats, Liberals, testosterone, penis, Stephen Colbert, Mrs. Colbert, science According to recent South Park research, penises can be grown on mice. Does this mean Democrats will grow balls? We can all be Mrs. Colbert! No. Why do Liberals hate testosterone? Why do Democrats hate scientific research? April 8, 2008 *Points: Best Bush Cartoons, Colbert Wins Peabody, Clinton Campaign Strategist Resigns *Truths: The Greatest President Ever, John Yoo, Peabody, Mark Penn What is a suitable punishment for someone who mocks President Bush? A Peabody award in journalism. The liberation of their home and job. Forced to be Hillary Clinton's chief campaign strategist. The legal decision should be reviewed by John Yoo and decidered by George. April 7, 2008 *Points: Bush Protest, Iraq Combat Vehicles, Bush War Criminals, Blackwater Investments *Truths: The Greatest President Ever, Donald Rumsfeld, David Addington, John Yoo, Blackwater, war crimes What's the most securifying thing President Bush has done for the America? Arrest Catholic school girls. Add vinyl doors to combat vehicles. Hire Donald Rumsfeld, David Addington, and John Yoo. Give Blackwater more contracts. April 6, 2008 *Points: Catholic School Girls Arrested for Bush Protest *Truths: The Greatest President Ever, war crimes, impeachment, torture, John Yoo How should the Catholics who protested President Bush in a church during Easter be interrogated? Sharing a jail for other violent criminals for 2 days. Setting baild bonds at or above $25,000. Given felony charges. Forced to edit John Yoo's memos. April 5, 2008 *Points: Michael Moore Celebrates Heston's Death, Bowling for Columbine *Truths: Charlton Heston, Michael Moore, guns, firearms What will you remember most about Charlton Heston? His manly voice. His muscular buttocks. How he made Bowling for Columbine into a great film instead of another boring Michael Moore documentary. How he nailed Michael Moore. April 4, 2008 *Points: President Bush Consults Dilbert *Truths: Dilbert, The Greatest President - EVER!, banks, Bear Stearns, mortgages, Paul Krugman What's the best part of President Bush's financial reform proposal? Liberal, America hating, economists hate it. Dilbert will change the pronunciation of his name to rhyme with Colbert. It enforces market discipline through the Federal Reserve. It proves that bears can't takeover Wall Street. April 3, 2008 *Points: Trillions Wasted on Worthless Weapons *Truths: The Greatest President - EVER!, The Greatest Vice President - EVER!, terrorist, tax and spend, Freedom of the Press, 9/11, trillion Why is the liberal media attacking President Bush-Cheney's anti-terrorist spending? They don't understand that trillion is an imaginary number. Why does the liberal media support terrorists? Why does the liberal media support Freedom of the Press? They miss showing great American buildings crumble to the ground. April 2, 2008 *Points: President Bush Knew of and Approved Torture *Truths: torture, The Greatest President - EVER!, balls, John Yoo, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky What can even the liberals learn from the legal expertise of John Yoo and President Bush? Bill Clinton has balls, but no gut. If Bill Clinton's brains weren't between his legs, he'd have declared BJs legal. If Clinton's brains weren't between his legs, adultery would be executive privilege. If Bill wasn't a sodomite, Monica would have been an enemy combatant undergoing harsh interrogation. April 1, 2008 *Points: none *Truths: truthiness, Liberals, it getters, Canada, The Liberal Media Today is April Fools day. What does that mean? Liberals make sense. Stephen Colbert will fool liberals into thinking they're it-getters. Canadians are not fools for a day. The liberal media will correctly report troop deaths in Iraq for 1 day.